On 3/31 my precious Ava girl went to be with Jesus. I wanted to do a blog post to capture the good moments, memories, and create a post that honors her life. How? Because I have tried and I keep starting over because it just doesn’t do her justice. So instead of attempting to put together the perfect words, I thought it would be more fitting to write her a letter. So here we go….

Ava,

My sweet, precious and perfect girl! I miss you so much! When you went to Heaven, I felt a piece of me went with you. I have had this pit in my stomach for a week now and my heart feels bruised. I know all too well that feeling is grief. Even though I knew it was time, it doesn’t make it easier. Everyone told me I would know when it was time to let you go. I believe in a way, you told me too. You were sick for a while and we did everything we could to help you. Being your mama made my heart grow ten sizes. You were a true rescue (who could leave you at a dump in Baytown?!), but Lord knows we both needed to be rescued. Baby girl, you did just that. You helped heal parts of me that needed pure unconditional love that only a four legged fur baby can provide.

Ava you brought so much love and laughter into my life. I was so proud of you and proud to be your mama. You were so sweet, playful, super smart and obedient. A true border collie and golden retriever mix with the perfect combination of each breed’s best qualities. You were the hide and seek champ. You could find anyone. You made the best bear noises and had the prettiest shark teeth. You had an insanely good memory and I felt you could understand every word I said. I loved how you would sleep at the foot of my bed every night until you got too hot and then moved to the tile floor. You would get SO excited when we went on walks or when we went to Mamo and Popper’s. Anytime we would get ready to leave you would run around making it tough to put your leash on. You loved to bark at the trash people and really any noise outside our door. Those high pitched barks would practically give me a heart attack. Sometimes you would sit next to me and listen to me ramble on about something I was trying to figure out. I always appreciated those moments, because even though you can’t talk you helped me work through so many situations. Those gestures of big sighs, winks and eye rolls were great feedback. You were a nap queen and the most peaceful sleeper. Sometimes I would just watch you sleep and express complete gratitude to the big man upstairs for allowing me to be your mama. You would sit by the window and watch everything and everyone. That is something you got from your mama… your love of people watching. Your favorite treats were bones, bell peppers, frozen green beans, apples, carrots, eggs, but your favorite treat was popcorn. When the kernels would start popping you would prance around the kitchen waiting for the popcorn to be done. Sometimes you would bark at me if I didn’t put it in the bowl fast enough. You would always stand right under me just in case a piece fell. You were quite the foodie! I mean I don’t blame you…. let’s just say you go that from your mama too! You would work it to get food. The ears, the smile, the eyes and the patience. I mean how could we ever resist your sweet face?! Some people *cough Matt cough* were suckers for sneaking you food. Ha! Baby girl, you know this list could go on and on and on. I was so in tune with you and your behaviors. I was really in a constant state of aw. You were my girl and I was your mama! I unconditionally loved you, adored you and soaked up every second of you.

You and I went through a lot of life together. Highs, lows, and about everything in between. You were right by side through it all. Dance parties to bawling crying in a ball on the floor. You were there for it. Thank you for never leaving my side! Just your presence was healing and comforting. Again, who rescued who?

No matter how bad or good my day was, I knew I was coming home to you. Your greeting’s were the BEST!! Shark teeth smile, loud barks, waggin’ tail, and just so much excitement you could barely contain yourself. You would get your lovin’ and then run over to the crate to let Murray out. You were the best sissy to Reba and Murray. You shared your toys, played hard, snuggled and every now and then would remind them you were the boss. The apartment is really quiet now that you and Reba aren’t here. Murray is just not quite the talker you were. He is gentle, calm and so laid back. He misses you a lot too, but is adjusting to the only child life. I am sure he will love being the center of attention soon just as you did when you were an only child.

Ava one of the many things I loved about you is that you were always happy even on the days you were in a lot of pain. The only times you weren’t happy was if you got a bath, mama trimmed your toe nails, cleaned your ears, or if someone left without saying good bye to you. I loved your personality and your larger than life heart! You truly lit up any room you were in.

I know you are sitting next to Jesus and are pain free now. Guaranteed you got a fast pass to Heaven with how sweet you were. You served your purpose and there is purpose in your passing too. I am just not sure what that is yet. I can imagine you are running around in beautiful green pastures filled with the most beautiful flowers chasing cows, tennis balls and your sissy and friends. You have a comfy bed to sleep in every night and all the toys to play with. You are in complete peace! I rest easier knowing you looking down on us with the most beautiful smile and those sweet chocolate brown eyes. I just wish I could hear those moans, groans, growls and barks again. I just wish I could give you all the kisses on your face and give you one of those mama loves you with everything hugs. I know I will again some day and until then you are my guardian angel watching over me, Murray, Matt and the rest of your family.

Ava you were my world and I was yours. I cherish each second we were able to spend together. Being your mama was a precious gift from above and the good Lord knew exactly what he was doing when he brought you into my life. A true match made in Heaven!

We all miss you so much! Our hearts hurt and tears fall from our eyes often. We also find joy, laughter and healing when we talk about you. Thank you for loving us, protecting us, and making us laugh so much! You were the best little sassy pants diva girl!

You came into my life and changed it for the better. I am better because of you and who you were. I will always love you, cherish you, honor you and talk to you (even if that makes me look cray cray)!

I miss your loud barks, dog hair, and wet nose kisses. I miss your good morning’s and your playful spirit. I just miss so many different moments of you. It will take time to grieve your death. I promise to move forward in bravery and live life to the fullest because that is how you lived. Life is short and your death is a reminder of that. Fly high baby girl!!

I will love you forever and always, Ava!

XOXO,

Your mama