Hi friends! My name is Amanda and I am damn proud of the healing I have done in the past three years. Three years ago I was crying all the time and now I only cry sometimes. Ha! Just kidding. Really though, I have made MAJOR strides in working through my crap. Has it been easy? Hell no. Worth it? Absolutely. I have learned so many nuggets in therapy that help me in every area of my life, so I figured I would share some with you.

One: Anger is a secondary emotion.

Anger is a big reason I started going to therapy the last couple of months. I deal with it daily. Crazy right? I seem so happy. I am. Make no mistake I choose to be happy every day. When I start losing my patience over little things or getting irritated quicker I know something is off. If you don’t deal with what is actually making you angry, it will come out in other ways. For example, a couple years ago I made the decision to deactivate my social media because I would just sit on my phone at night comparing myself to everyone. That was a big thief of my joy, so adios. I bought a puzzle because I figured it would be a good wind down activity. I started the puzzle on my coffee table, the edge was complete and the middle pieces were inside the edge to keep two fur babes nosey noses away. Well I wake up in the morning to a half eaten puzzle. WTF??? My freaking dogs decided they wanted to expand their palate to cardboard. I was pissseeedddd. What made it worse is I had to pick up their poop with my puzzle pieces in them the for next couple of days. #apartmentliving I was so angry!! Then I had that little voice in the back of my head say, “Anger is a secondary emotion.” I had to figure out what the root cause was. I was actually angry because I felt that everything I considered “mine” was somehow taken away or destroyed. The dogs eating my puzzle was just a trigger. When I discovered the half eaten puzzle, I didn’t know the root cause of my anger. I was just angry and acted like a crazy person. Crying, screaming, and cussing the dogs over a freaking puzzle. Not my proudest moment. Overtime and with a lot of intentional practice, I have gotten really good at recognizing triggers and working through them without all the anger. Anger will eat you from the inside out if you don’t deal with it.

Two: You can still care about someone, be there for them and tell them no.

Boundaries are something I have been working on for the last couple of years. There is a lot of freedom in boundaries. I can set strong boundaries with things like work, associates, daily disciplines, etc. When it comes to my family and closest friends… nope. My boundaries with them are equal to spaghetti noodles. I am a fixer. I want to fix the problem and help keep the peace between people. I am known as the mediator in my family. BUT their problems are NOT mine to fix. I can help… only if they ask. I was recently in a situation that was out of my control. I would offer my advice/help and when they didn’t do what I thought was best, I would get upset/irradiated. I constantly have to remind myself it is not my problem to fix. If I fix everything, what will they learn? This is their life. Their journey. Their choices. They sleep in the bed they make and I sleep in mine. My job is to love them. That’s it! Here’s the nugget… You can still care about someone, be there for them and still tell them no. It’s okay to put yourself on the front burner. It’s okay to say no if you don’t want to go. It’s okay to speak up when something is bothering you. It’s okay to set boundaries to keep drama, negativity and whatever else out of your life. You don’t love that person any less by not showing up all the time. Don’t forget you are a somebody too!

Three: It’s okay to miss parts of your past.

It seems to be taboo to talk about the good parts of your past relationship. People tell me, “You need to drive forward and not look in the rearview mirror.” The rearview mirror of my past relationship was seven years of good and bad. A majority good. We created memories, lived a lot of life, and laughed a lot. I am the person I am today because of those seven years. I look back to reminiscence. That does not mean I want my “old life” back or to be with that person again. I have the memory of an elephant and love looking at old pictures, telling/listening to stories of the past and the memories made. Those moments are what help mold a person into who they are meant to be. That should not be hush hush!

Four: Life is precious!

Time goes by so fast. We all know this, but I swear it speeds up every year. Regardless, we all take life’s little moments for granted. I do sometimes. I am working to find God’s favor in everything and all the precious moments in my life. It will change your perspective real quick! A few things that bring me an instant smile: a child’s laughter, old people dancing, hot showers, electricity, flowers, happy people, a warm cup of coffee, waking up in the morning to someone (dog or human) next to me… this list could go on. Stop what you are doing right now, look around and find all the things you can be thankful for. Now that’s a pretty smile, my friend!

Five: Stop and celebrate how far you have come.

Pop the champagne and cheers to healing and working through your crap! Pat yourself on your back! You deserve it! You are doing the hard work and, even if it doesn’t feel like it at times, you are getting better.

Six: You do you boo!

You want to go on a trip? You want to have ice cream at midnight? You want to lay on your couch and stare at the ceiling? Do it. Do whatever your heart desires!! Do what brings you joy! Do what fills your cup! Live your life unapologetically! God knew the world needed a YOU, so don’t hold back who you are from anything. People will either love you or hate you. You only want to be around the ones that love you! The other’s are missing out. Bring your joy and let your light shine!!

Seven: No is a full sentence.

No explanation. No justification. Just a simple no thank you will do.

Eight: Healing is beautiful.

When you are healing you are going to feel all the feels. Not all are good and you will be uncomfortable. Lean in to it! That is when the magic happens! Healing your soul is a process and one that takes a lot of patience and intentionality. You will never be fully healed. You will just have learned coping mechanisms to not let triggers effect you. You will be able to go through situations that used to send you spiraling with complete peace. You will know how to respond in a constructive and positive way. You will know your boundaries and will be able to stick to them. You will have a voice and find yourself standing taller. You will have genuine joy from the inside out. You will transform into a new person that you will just adore. That is healing and it is beautiful.

Nine: Never plan anything or have people over after therapy.

Therapy is great, but damn it is mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting. In all the best ways. It’s an hour or a little longer of peeling back the onion and exposing the vulnerable spots of your soul. I always need to rest after my sessions.

Ten: You are responsible for your life.

It is your life. Quit the blame game. It is no one else’s fault but yours. Own your shit and work on fixing it. I own my shortcomings in my past marriage and work hard to not repeat them in my current relationship. I own my mistakes in every area of my life. You have the power every day to get up and choose your mood. Some days you are going to have to fight for happy. It is worth it. You are worth it. You will have days when you are feeling all the feels and it just sucks. Those days are character building and it just means you are getting closer to a good day. Friend, you are strong! Never doubt your strength! Never be scared to cry and feel those feels. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will be amazed at the distance you will go.

Thank you for reading along! I always appreciate your support! Have a great day!! Until next time!

Amanda